As much as i look forward to these trips, there is an certain amount of insecurities that i feel every year. Will my outfits get the deemed approval? How can i cover up my post baby body in a swim suit? How, and where to find a dress that i feel comfortable with my body in?
As i started my packing last night, all these insecurities started rising to the surface. Making me start to panic. Had i made the appropriate clothing choices? i started tossing clothes around like a mad woman, all the while berating myself for not loosing that extra 5 lbs. My loving husband calmly just watching the crazy fashion show unfold. (Sadly, i'm sure he is used to this charade by now). i finally threw in the towel, and lay down to sleep, (which meant stare at the ceiling in frustration).
My husband put his hand on my arm. Just a small gesture that calmed me enough to get some clarity. Why was i so worked up? Why did i care what others thought of my clothing? Why was that important? This was not like me to care what others thought so much. Then two things came into focus that changed my thought process completely.
Number one: i felt God say to my heart, "No one is looking at you." it was like a light went off. You are right. Every other woman going on this trip is probably destroying their closets at this same moment. They are gonna be so worried about their appearance, that they aren't gonna be looking at me. (cause lets be honest, we dress for other women's approval most times, not mens). So, thats instantly brought me some peace. it didn't matter. But something else was nagging at me. Why did i still have this anxiety? Then number two hit me.
Number two: this will be the first year of this trip that i am wearing Christ outwardly. See, i have always said i'm a christain at theses conferences, but haven't always acted the part. Once the red wine gets flowing, i have allowed my language and/or behavior to not follow Christ's path for me. (Don't get me wrong. i'm not doing behavior that would land me in jail, lol. But even cursing, gossiping and such is not bringing glory to His name).
So this year is a new adventure for me, so to say. And to tell you the truth, i'm excited. You never know who you will meet, or who you will talk about Christ with. And in the end, it's not about a dress, or a swim suit. it's about showing love, encouragement, and empathy to others. Mathew 5:16 " in the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."
in closing, i would like to ask you for a prayer for me to be the woman God has called me to be, no matter where i am. (Grandma could probably use some prayers as well, considering she's watching our 2 crazy boys for 5 days, lol). Blessings as always.