Depression is real. it is a disease. (One i am positive is the devils favorite). This is something i deal with, and i wanted to share somethings that help me in my darkest moments, and to help me know i am not alone. Here is part of my story. . . .
i have had self doubt, and self hatred for as long as i can remember. i have always been very hard on myself. i truly believe this is maximized once you have kids. i have been on and off anti depressants since i was 18, (after my suicide attempt). Once i had my first son, after crying non stop for 3 months, and feelings of worthlessness creep in, i finally saw a doctor. He was great. He explained postpartum to me. He also explained that because i had dealt with depression in my past, there was a higher chance i would get this. i was prescribed a low dose anti depressant, and through many trial and errors found one that worked.
Now to be clear, this does not mean i was extremely happy 24/7. But just helped regulate my brain receptors. (Thats my definition).
Once i was "medicated" i started to feel guilty. What was wrong with me? Why did i take these, didn't i believe God could cure me? i just didn't have enough faith. i didn't trust God enough.
Sounds crazy but that was my thought process. When i was diagnosed, it still wasn't talked about. "Depressed? Well, you just needed to get some fresh air. Take some vitiams." (which i did try these all). So i felt guilty about taking medicine. Praying one night crying to God' "i'm so sorry i don't have enough faith. i'm sorry i rely on doctors to help me." And through my sobs i heard a calm voice. "Why do you think i created doctors Devonne."
God really is such a gentleman. And there is nothing sweeter than the sound of his voice saying my name. i cry even now writing this because he cares so much when we hurt. i can not stress that enough!
So, i have come to terms with my medicine choices. Some may agree, some may not, and thats ok. i know if i was a diabetic i would take medicine. i also know how i am without, and how i am with.
Fast forward to now. Do i still deal with depression? Yep. Medicine helps, but not a cure all. i still hurt, i still feel. Sometimes i still feel myself in that dark pit with no ladder to get out.
What do i do to stay out of the pit?
1. i read my bible. Especially what God thinks of me. How he calls me his own. Treasures me. Knowledge is power! Arm yourself with truth.
2. Here is one i am learning. Limiting alcohol intake. Not number of drinks necessarily, but days in a row. Alcohol is a depressant, and if you take medicine it can block it from getting to your system. So my evening glass of wine in the summer is only a couple nights a week.
3. Exercise. Endorphins are amazing, and they are free! Go for a walk. Ride a bike. Lift weights. Just sweat a little it works, trust me. Yes, i love fitness, but i truly workout for the endorphins!
4. Have a good support system. Prayer partners, someone you don't need to explain yourself, maybe just send the text "prayer please". i have a friend like that. its amazing what it does you yourself when you know someone cares, and you're not alone. Make sure you don't have someone that will wallow in self pity with you. That is the last thing you need.
5. Be honest with yourself. Human emotions are fleeting. Try to remind yourself that you have been here before, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
These are just things that help me. Prayers with you through your journey. if you ever need prayer i am always here. Just know you are not alone, and God created you and loves you just the way you are.