Why do i find myself so anxious and conflicted today? My stomach in knots and hands shaky? Well, here i go. . . .
i am a victim of sexual assalt. it did not happen recently, it happened when i was a teen. i have never spoke of it. Never told a soul, . . .until this moment. You may now see why my heart is beating out of my chest right now. Why am i bringing this up? Why is it something i feel i need to share?
i am writing about it, because no matter how big, or small we make things. There comes a time when you have to heal the old wounds, and i find sharing my healing process helps.
i never ever want to give you guys the impression i have got this life together. i assure you, i do not. so, why bring this up now? Well, recently i have been praying to the Lord about having all of me. My whole heart, my undivided attention. in doing so, God has been healing things in my life, like peeling back an onion. Making me the woman of Christ i am called to be. One of the ways that this has been happening, is God showing me areas in my life that still need to heal, (not bury any longer).
You see, i never spoke this because i blamed myself. in my mind, i put myself in the situation, therefore i should have known. But with Gods love, and through His scriptures i am learning i have blamed myself for far too long. And you know what? i'm positive i am not alone.
So i write today to encourage you to stop blaming yourself. God has good things in store for us. i pray for healing for those who have experienced this in their life, and i want to say i am sorry you went through this, and you are not to blame! Please don't do as i did, and carry this weight around with you. Leave it at the door of the Savior. Then you may say, ". . . my burden is light." (Matthew 11:30).
Please know, this is not for anyone to pity me, but to strengthen those who have suffered these circumstances as well. Blessings to you all, much love.