Most people start out with good intentions, i truly believe this. Whether misguided or not, most of what hurts us, if looked at long enough, we can see that the persons motives started out in a good way. Too many times we jump back spewing venom, without looking at where they are coming from. (i am all too guilt of this.) Maybe they didn't word it the way you would have liked, but their base meaning might be a little more clear with some more time to think on it. That being said, you do not need to take responsibility for everyone's feelings. Someone's inner turmoil can come out like a match to gasoline, that is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is your reaction to the accuser.
Jesus was accused many times in the bible, and he didn't return it with a vile response. He was clear and understanding, and most importantly, He forgave. i know the world wants us to forgive but not forget, because we don't want to trust that person / persons again. i agree we need to guard our hearts, but forgive, and we need to forget, so not to dwell on the past. You don't need those memories of hurt or anger coming up everytime you see that person/ persons.
Just remember, you work on you, you are not in charge of anyone's reaction. in the same sense don't instigate, or stir up strife. The more you can overlook, or forgive quickly, the more peaceful your life will become. Trust me, i don't have this all down perfectly, but i feel a sense of peace as God is helping me to learn this.
Remember before you give someone a piece of your mind, sleep on it, pray about it so you can do it in a way that would honor the Lord. Because really that's the most important thing.