i woke up in the morning bright and early. i felt there was something i was suppose to do. This was funny, because i had no plans except hanging out with my hubby all day in Seattle. But i remember a tugging at my heart, almost prying my eyes open. As i was brushing my teeth i heard God speaking to my heart. "You are going to speak to a homeless person today."
Wait, what? i must have heard wrong. My heart started pounding (as it does when the Holy Spirit falls upon me). i knew it was not my imagination. i knew God had told me to do this. i desperately tried to push it out of my head and continued getting ready.
"You are going to talk to a homeless person today."
"No." i said firmly. You see it's not that i didn't like the homeless, but they intimidated me. i didn't know what to say, or how to say it. And who was i to say anything when i had a home and they didn't.
Even though i had said no, i knew i would. so after breakfast my hubby had to run a couple errands without me, so i decided i would go to starbucks and wait.
As i rounded the corner to where the starbucks was in my view, my heart started beating wildly, and i started sweating. i knew this was my mission field. i decided to embrace it.
"Ok God, i know you want me here. i don't know who you want me to talk to, or what you want me to say, but please help me not mess it up." With that said i sat down at an outside table and looked around. There were two homeless men on each side of me. Great, i thought, which one? Just then one got up and walked away. Awe man, did i just blow it?! Was that him?
As i looked over to my right, and i was sure that i could hear my heart breaking.
He was old. He was dirty. He smelled. He was writing in a notebook. As i looked more closely he had a binky tied to his jacket, and a childs toy as well. Things we drop everyday. He had tied it to himself as if to claim a small piece of a home for himself. A sense of belonging somewhere to someone.
i walked over to him."Wow, i am so jealous you have your notebook, it's such a beautiful day to write."
He looked up and smiled. "i never go anywhere without it."
"i bet you have a lot of stories to tell."
He laughed a little "Oh yeah, i've filled up allot of these notebooks."
"You know, i was gonna get a coffee. Would you like something to eat?" i tried to sound lighthearted so he wouldn't feel weird.
He just looked surprised. "Oh no, you don't need to do that."
Ok, God, now what i thought. God said, ask him again. "Well, i'm going in already, are you sure? Coffee, juice, anything?"
"No, no, i'm fine."
" Well, it's been nice talking to you."
Ask him again God said to me. So i did, thinking for sure he'd think i was crazy. "Last chance, anything to eat? i don't mind at all."
He looked down at the floor, "i guess something to eat would be nice."
"You got it." So i went in bought 2 or 3 sandwiches, some juice, and whatever else i could fit in that Starbucks bag and went back outside.
He smiled at me. "My name is Gary," he said as he shook my hand. "That was so nice of you, i was really hungry."
"Well, God told me you were hungry, and i should buy you breakfast." At this his shoulders slumped, and he began to cry. Without a thought i got on my knees and hugged him tight. "i don't know what you are going through, or what you've been through. But i want you to know it's gonna get better, and God loves you so much, and he sent me here to tell you that." i paused "May i pray with you?"
At the mention of prayer his back stiffened up, and he started to pull away."No." he said firmly.
"Ok, you have a good day." i got up, and walked away. i started thinking about what i had done wrong. Should i have not asked to pray for him? Then God said to me. "He is rejecting me, not you. You have planted the seed."
You see, sometimes we are just to plant a seed, or water one. Not all of us are going to lead someone through "the sinners prayer" so to say. We all play a part, and all those parts work together, with or without knowing about the other. i know i will see Gary again, and i believe it will be i heaven.
So, don't minimize your role, no matter how small it feels. When God calls, answer. You have a purpose.