convention. Everyone laughed, they thought it was a joke. i mean, it was only in the arm. But it hurt. i was confused but i laughed with them. i thought i was suppose to. i didn't want to over react. He wasn't angry or mean, just trying to get me to pay attention to him.
The second time, he bit me in the arm, several times in the same spot. That bruise stung, and lasted a few weeks.
it's still embarrassing for me to write down 19 years later. i was 15 years old. Not able to date yet, but able to go to youth functions with our youth group. Thats where i met him. Church. You see, not everybody that goes to church has a love for God. For those of you dating, or those of you that have daughters that will date, i feel it necessary to warn you, or open eyes if you will about abuse. See, i didn't think what i went through was abuse, because i met him at church. i mean he went to all the functions, services, and read his bible religiously. But it was, and it hurt inside and out.
i am not writing this to get sympathy, in fact i don't like writing about it. it makes me feel weak and sad quite frankly. Sad that i let him make me feel weak. Thats the thing with abuse it stains you, you are forever changed.
i was finally able to leave that relationship, (2 years later). i left with no self confidence, and wondering what was wrong with me that someone would do that to me.
i met someone new at 18. He was a christian, (so he said). The relationship was wonderful, for 2 weeks. Then the insults came. Very small and subtle at first, almost made me think i was making it up. He was so sweet in front of everyone, but behind closed door he'd be angry that i didn't pay him enough attention. He didn't physically hurt me till 1 1/2 yrs into the relationship. i remember apologizing to him for something that upset him, again. He turned to leave in a huff, and i placed my hand on his arm to say stay. He grabbed my hand and yanked me down, where i hit the dresser with my body and crumpled to the floor in agony. i was in shock. i thought he would apologize and help me up, get me ice, something. He looked at me straight faced, and said "you shouldn't have grabbed my hand." i sat there on the floor wondering how i had gotten there. Where had i gone wrong? What had i done to deserve this? i felt very, very, small.
Does this mean every guy you meet from church is abusive. Of coarse not. Just like it doesn't mean just every guy at church are gentlemen.
i never told my parents,(my mother a few years ago). But i didn't know what abuse was. i didn't hardly know it existed. We need to talk about these things with our daughters, nieces, sisters. Education is a step we can take. God never wants any of us to feel small.