it starts out as one little thought, innocently enough, and then soon picks up speed until it is a whirling tornado with in me. Sometimes i get so caught up in my thoughts that i forget to be present in the moment. That's not even the worst part, when i am consumed in my mind, i start to let the devil slip in his words of self doubt, mistrust, and self sabotage.
And that is how it started today. One feeling of being unheard lead to self doubt, like i am not worthy of being listened to. Then lead to self hate, i am so stupid why would anyone want to talk to me. And lastly, let's beat myself up, "i am a nobody", "just a stay at home mom with nothing to say". (i am telling you all this, because i want you to know that we all get attacked, even ones who seem to have it together, (not that thats me by any means lol). We all have different triggers, but we all fight a spiritual battle daily.)
So instead of curl up in my comfy bed and let my tears fall, i prayed. "Dear God, i am feeling like i don't matter. i know you said you died for me, but i feel that i am not worth the space at the moment. Please help my heart feel better."
A simple prayer, but my hearts cry. Then God reminded me of the elderly woman that i smiled at yesterday and gave her my cart, how she smiled so big and eyes sparkled. Or the woman in the craft store that i chatted with about our love for beading. The sweet little girl in the store that i laughed with and talked about puppies and kittens. As he flashed these memories through my mind he said, these matter. You matter. Wow, something so small seemed so meaningless, but the joy he has brought into my life is being shown to others.
When Jesus was on that cross, i mattered. He thought of me! He died for me! in my small mindedness i thought i was just another face in the crowd. But i am his smile, His joy, His laughter in a crowd.
i want you to know, You Matter! i know i have said it before, because i figure if i keep forgetting you might too. You matter! You are made out of His love!
Turn your brain off, and your heart on.